Break-ups in college
February may be the time of love for some. Flowers, chocolates and teddy bears are flying off the shelves. It forces people to realize just how in love they are. But for others, February may be a time for break-ups. Never fear, here are some suggestions on how to deal with a break up in college:
- Don’t let your emotions rule the situation. Emotions often intensify a situation. They add over exaggeration and issues that weren’t even there to begin with. Yes, it is important to grieve. It is important to let yourself FEEL. Cry, cry, cry, if you must. However, letting your emotions control the outcome of the breakup will only drag things on, and add more hurt and pain for both parties involved.
- Surround yourself with people who know your worth. Friends may be your greatest asset in a break-up. They see you for your true worth, and will be there in this time of need. Explain to your friends what happened if you are comfortable telling them, and state that you are grieving and need a little extra love. They will most likely oblige, and help you out in any way they can. Friends can be a light in this time of darkness, and they can often even make you laugh as you are crying. Utilize that place of love.
- Seek out a counselor, if need be. Friends can be great to talk to about a breakup, but some breakups may require professional help. Especially if the aftermath of the breakup is causing you to think of self-harm or anything of the sort. When the break up process starts to become unhealthy, it is time to seek out someone who can provide you with healthful tools to get through this. They are also great listeners. DSU offers free counseling to all students. If you would like to schedule an appointment, seek out the Student Success Center located in the Underground of the Trojan Center, or contact (605) 256-5121.
- Get out of bed and get busy. Lying in a bed and thinking solely about the break-up focuses your attention on only THAT break-up. Dwelling on it often escalates it, and makes it out to be more than it is. It is okay to cry and grieve in bed, however, not for too long. Getting out of bed and making that bed automatically gives you a sense of control over the situation. Occupying your mind with other things keeps your mind off the break-up and the intense emotions that come with it. No, I am not suggesting to get busy to the point where you just completely ignore the grieving process. It is important to find a healthy balance between staying busy and grieving. When you notice that you are starting to dwell too much on the breakup, then perhaps that is a sign that it’s time to get out of bed.
- Use it as a time to self-reflect. Breakups are also a great time for self-reflection. Was the break-up caused by any unhealthy habits of yours? Was it caused by your partner’s unhealthy habits? A mixture of both your and his/hers? Break ups bring to light many things. Use this time of grieving to also improve upon yourself. Build yourself up in this time, so that you are soon able to be confident being on your own. One should be able to draw happiness from within, not use other people to fulfill that sense of happiness.
All of this is based upon my own experience. The biggest thing to remember during a break up: It sucks right now, but with time and love and healing, it WILL get better. Just allow it too.