LEAKED Transcript for “DSU Dining During COVID” PSA


ANNOUNCER stands beneath the arch, waiting for his cue, tapping one foot. 
Take board slaps closed, reads “TAKE 374.” 
ANNOUNCER looks to the camera, and smiles widely.

Hey, I didn’t see you there! Today we’re talking about dining options here on campus during these difficult times. Returning students might notice that some new dining venues have popped up, while new students just want to learn what’s going on! In today’s episode, we’re going to walk you through that. We recommend sticking around for you veterans, things have changed! 

With this, ANNOUNCER’s grin becomes strained. He does not blink before the scene changes.


ANNOUNCER walks along a line of young adults distanced from one another.

This here is the Dakota State Marketplace, located conveniently within the Trojan Center! Here, you can wait in line for longer than it’ll take to eat during busy hours, and now more than ever! With the COVID-19 pandemic ongoing, we’ve taken measures to fight the spread of the disease! In addition to masks being required, we’ve implemented social distancing across campus, and of course, that extends to dining. 

Camera pans down the long line, following it from entry to Student Services to doors to outside the building. The camera holds for a minute and a half, during which time the line moves approximately one person forwards. 

Camera snaps back to ANNOUNCER.

The actual offerings haven’t really changed, but you’ll have to be a bit more patient and self-service is gone. And we’ve added plexiglass! 


This is The Queue, a totally NEW offering! Exciting isn’t it? A grill with food made to order, The Queue offers burgers, fries, and the like, as well as Caribou Coffee. This facility accepts debit or credit and cash in addition to Trojan Silver. Built off the bones of what was an Einstein Bros. location, The Queue is something of a second coming.

students ordering food
Image from video included by the compiling organization 


ANNOUNCER gestures to the small building behind him. 

This here is another new dining option, affectionately known as The Food Shed. During the lunch hours, you can grab one of two daily options to go, as well as several soft drinks or water. It takes one meal swipe from your Trojan Silver card, and then you’re on your way. It may be unassuming, but it is warm food varying from pad thai to pulled pork! This is not the only new fast and easy option; new to-go options are available in the Beacom Institute and the Haberger Science Center. There, you can grab a quick yogurt, salad, or quick snack between classes. These locations accept Trojan Silver exclusively, so if you live off-campus and are on the go, try to be a little less on the go!

A car parked in front of a building

Description automatically generated
Image from video included by the compiling organization 


And with that, we’re signing off! Hope you all learned something useful for dining on campus. Not that any of it’s necessarily good food, but you take what you can get, right? See ya ‘round, folks!

The announcer of the video was never identified, and no other sightings or recordings of this individual are known.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *