girl with typewriter

Sunny Side Up: Dating an Alien

The smile on Bob’s face grew as Wanda opened the package, revealing a lacy Valentine, a box of chocolates, and a package of conversation hearts.

            Confusion spread across her features. “I appreciate it Bob, but what exactly is this?”

            Bob sighed, remembering that he was dating someone who was literally from a different planet. Girls from Jupiter were great, but sometimes it was hard to explain things to them. “It’s for Valentine’s Day, dear.”

            She opened the card. “Well, that’s awfully sweet, but what is Valentine’s Day? We don’t have that where I’m from.”

            “Uh…well, it’s a holiday. It’s named after Saint Valentine, I think.”

            “Who is that?”

            “Um, I’m not exactly sure. He…was a saint. I guess I’d have to google it.”

            “Why is there a holiday for someone if you don’t know what he did?”

            “Well, it’s about love. It’s a day that you tell the people you love that you love them.”

            Her face fell. “So you just gave me this card because you’re supposed to?”

            “Well, kind of…not exactly I guess…”

            She lifted the box of chocolates. “This box is an interesting shape.”

            “It’s the shape of a heart.”

            “Bob, did you ever take anatomy? This is not the shape of a heart. A heart is a lot more complicated. It has to pump the blood in and then out again, and it’s also a muscle so – ”

            “Not an actual heart, but a…a heart symbol. It symbolizes the heart.”

            “I see! Actually, I don’t really see. Why does this symbolize the heart?”

            “Er…I guess I would have to google that. It’s tradition.”

            “So you give people shapes like this….to celebrate that saint.”

            “Yes, but if you’re a kid you can give out pictures of Batman with your name on them to your classmates instead.”

            Wanda sighed. “I’m not even going to ask how that celebrates love. But this candy looks good!” She opened the box and shook one out, squinting at it. “What does this say, Bob?”

            “Hmm… the message is a little misprinted. I can’t tell, try another one.”

            “I can’t read this one either. It’s too faint.”

            “Here’s one that is readable!” Bob pulled conversation heart from the box triumphantly. “It says LOL.”

            “Laugh out loud? I didn’t know that was a romantic expression.”

            “It’s not…I guess not all of the messages are about love.”

            “But why….”

            “Wanda, can’t you just forget the whole logic thing? It’s candy, you’re supposed to eat it, not look at it.”

            “But if it has a message I should be able to read it!” Wanda laughed at the expression on Bob’s face. “Fine, I’ll just eat it.” She dropped a couple into her mouth. “Mmm…ugh. They don’t really taste like anything. Tastes like chalk, if anything.”

            “Yeah…that sounds about right. Maybe I should have gotten you a balloon instead.”

            “One of those latex bags that are filled with gas? Why would that be romantic?”

            Bob slapped his forehead. “Never mind, never mind.”