When the Water Broke in Madison

Thursday, the 16th of January – 9.00 AM.

A strange odor hung over the halls of Zimmermann (well, stranger than usual). The residents, usually upbeat and sociable, were instead pacing miserably through the corridors – scarcely interacting with their fellows.

Resident Assistant Mostafa Haque, raised his hand to high-five a passing resident only to be unceremoniously denied.  Sleepy as he was, it took him a full minute to remember the reason. With the contamination of the Madison water supply following an accident the previous day, washing was obviously absent from everyone’s early morning agenda.

A few wise residents had managed to stock up on bottled water the moment the crisis was announced. You could tell who these people were by the smug smiles on their faces. For the vast majority of students who could not afford to smile without unleashing a veritable vortex of vile fumes, the promised water rations could not get here fast enough.

It could have been worse, right? Students could probably just drive to Sunshine to pick up more water.  It’s not like there was a blizzard outside or….

(Insert expletive)

At least morning classes were cancelled, yes? No? Oh, okay then.

Students going to English class.

After enduring stench, dehydration, and the freezing cold for a good few hours, the brave students of the Fellowship of the Class were rewarded by the upper echelons of our University with both the cancellation of their afternoon lectures and, more importantly, the delivery of the much awaited water-rations. And when we say delivered, we mean that the University basically bought out the entire town’s stock of water-bottles for the next 1000 years.

Fortunately (or unfortunately for the people who had to buy and carry back 40 cases of water), the untiring, diligent labor of the people responsible for Madison’s continued functionality made the water fit for showering by Thursday evening and suitable for drinking by Friday. Because of their efforts, Madison was promptly bumped back up to First-World status.

All in all, the entire crisis was a very educational experience for the students of DSU – a free educational experience to boot!

Firstly, they all learned, first-hand, the true meaning of the centuries old advice about the conservation and necessity of water.

More importantly, they learned something else – something much more vital to the proper functioning of society. For the first time in forever, they understood the truth – He who controls the water controls the world!

Josh Rundell demonstrating this lesson by declaring himself King Josh – I, Lord of the Bottles.

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