Mystery Solved: Sodexo Serves Bad Food to Promote Dieting

The Chief Marketing Officer Bruno Vanhaelst of Sodexo, one of the world’s largest multinational corporations, is simply disgusted by the gross percentage of obese young adults around the world and he has taken it upon himself to aid the general populous. How? By serving our youth low-quality, abominable University meals.

As of July 2015, DSU decided that its students cannot fall slave to poor eating habits per the official announcement on The Dakota State University Newsfeed published in August 2015, “Dakota State University announces that Sodexo will be the dining services and catering provider for the University and the Dakota Prairie Playhouse.”

The Food Company —through rigorous and intensive focus groups comprised of semi-fit, middle-aged men— created the ideal menu to both make it seem like they are trying to actually make food and compel students to lessen their food intake by serving poor food and even poorer food choices.

When questioned on the matter, Vanhaelst had this to say: “Look, I get that some kids actually enjoy eating, but the fact is, is that I don’t want them to get fat. So, I do what I can, and promote the service of food that is less than ideal”.

How do the students fight back? Of course, they increase their French fry intake because, according to one student, “They still find a way to mess up the fries, but they are basically the only edible thing in the cafeteria”. There’s always the option of attempting to fulfill one’s daily calorie intake by consuming one’s weight in ranch dressing, and of course, the classic, plug your nose and don’t let the food touch your tongue.

*This is a satire piece posted to our satire page, The Trojan Horse*