A serious case of Pokemon Fever has been spreading through Dakota State University since early last Saturday morning. The epidemic, informally referred to as “Pokemania”, is thought to have broken out after Nintendo released a mysterious substance only referred to as “X” and “Y” to the general public on the 12th of October.
Generalized symptoms of this ailment include sleep deprivation, malnourishment, and sporadic vocal outbursts of “Gotta catch’em all”. In milder cases, patients my display such behavior as choosing Charmander and attempting to use Ditto in an actual battle. Special care must be taken while dealing with more critical patients who have been known to viciously attack any individual who doesn’t understand the enigmatic terms “EV” and “IV”.
It is unknown just how many DSU residents have succumbed to the disease so far, but a quick glance at one’s Pokewalker would tell you it’s significantly high. With more and more students being infected every day, experts speculate that it’s only a matter of time before all of DSU is under quarantine.
“This disease is killing me,” Austin D, a resident of Zim Hall proclaims sadly, as he shows off his level 70 Blaziken. “I’ve beaten the Elite Four – I don’t know what to do with my life anymore!” he laments. This condition, known to the professional world as End Game Withdrawal Symptom and to the general public as ELITE42EEZEE is an inevitable outcome for all afflicted parties.
Thankfully, an organization calling itself the DSU Pokemon Federation has taken an initiative to combat the virulent strand of Pokemania head on. Their agenda is to alleviate the more negative aspects of the illness by creating a social environment which would induce a milder, more sustained level of Pokemania in individuals so that they may get the most out of Nintendo’s new best seller.
It will take time, the group admins say, to completely overcome the effects of Post-release Pokediction, but it is definitely doable. All it takes is a combination of choosing the right starter, the right party, and teaching Stealth Rock to every single Pokemon for all the Poke-aficionados who insist on playing a certain Dragon-who’s-not-a-dragon every time.