Sunny Side Up

How to Complete a Final Project on Time:

These are very important steps. Do not overlook any of them, or you will risk completing your project late and receiving a lower grade.

1. Water your plants. The act of giving life to a living object will infuse you with life-energy to begin work on your project. If you don’t have plants, find a random flower on campus to water that will give you life-energy.
2. Spill some of the water on your phone. Not enough to ruin your phone, but enough to significantly scare you into doing a little hoppy dance before you run and get a towel to clean it off. This sudden exercise will get your blood flowing, which will lead to better mental activity when you begin your project.
3. Quickly dispose of the wet towel by throwing it on your roommate’s bed, so that you can move on to your project as quickly as possible.
4. If your roommate protests the placement of the towel, pour any leftover water on your roommate. This might deescalate the situation by cooling them down. If not, it will still cause them to leave you in peace because they will either stomp out or get thrown out physically in the ensuing fight (as long as you win).
5. Go to the gym and do some weightlifting to ensure your success the next time you have to fight with your roommate so that you can work on a final project.
6.  Make sure to tell your friends at the gym that you are hard at work on a final project. Friends are very helpful in these situations. They will likely also be working on finals, and so can encourage you in your pursuit of success.
7. Go get pizza with your friends so that you can be fully alert and energized to work on your final project. Hunger is the enemy of productivity.
8. Make a plan with your friends to work on final projects together. You can keep each other focused and cheer each other on if you are all doing projects at the same time. However, while you are working together, don’t forget the important rules of etiquette. If your friends start talking, you should stop what you’re doing and listen.  If someone suggests watching a show, don’t make everyone else uncomfortable by refusing. Finals are important, but manners are important too.
9. When you’ve exhausted all possible conversation with your friends, call your Grandma. You probably haven’t talked to her in a while. Your final project has a deadline, but hey, Grandma won’t be around forever either. Better take advantage of the time you have. If you don’t have a Grandma, call your Grandpa. If you don’t have a Grandpa, call the nursing home and ask to speak to a random resident. They will be happy to talk to you.
10. Check the time to make sure your final is due in no more than three hours. If this criterion is met, work feverishly and finish the whole thing in a ridiculously short period of time. The quality may not be top-notch, but it’s probably great – you’re just too tired to tell. Turn in the project and take a nap. You’ve worked so hard, you deserve it.