Sunny Side Up
In Shakespeare’s day, costume parties were bad enough. Lovers ended up engaged to the wrong person due to their inability to recognize each other at a masquerade. This seems like a dumb mistake to make:
“Oh Antonio, it’s you? I thought you were my beloved Claude, although he’s a foot taller and has a deeper voice. Come to think of it, his laugh is totally different from yours and he doesn’t have a beard either. But now I must marry you – woe is me!”
Perhaps this was due to the fact that, according to Shakespeare, in those days it was really “love at first sight.” Often the star-crossed lovers had only met briefly in some courtyard or garden two years before. Or perhaps their ineptitude was because they were impaired by alcohol as well as disguises.
Either way, the situation is much worse for college students in the 21st century.
Picture this: a romance is budding between sophomores Romeo and Juliet, when suddenly they are faced with the ultimate test: a costume party. Their relationship might crash and burn in innumerable different ways.
#1: Juliet comes dressed as a movie character. Romeo doesn’t recognize the character. It turns out he doesn’t know any of the movies Juliet likes, because he doesn’t watch movies. They have no shared interests. Romance over.
#2: Instead of drinking poison, Romeo eats too many M&Ms. He feels unwell and thus is unusually terse. Juliet gets offended and leaves. Romeo thinks her a poor sport. Romance over.
#3: Juliet comes in full costume. She put hours of work into researching ideas, making Amazon purchases, and doing face paint. She gives hints about how excited she is for them to surprise each other with their costumes. Romeo decides to come dressed as…himself. Romance over.
#4: Romeo handmakes a very creative costume for a contest. Juliet votes for somebody else’s costume. Romance over.
#5: Romeo wants to do a couple’s costume. Juliet thinks couple’s costumes are dumb. They argue. Finally Juliet gives in. But she wants to go as salt and pepper, and Romeo wants to go as Disney characters. They can’t agree. Romance over.
#6: Instead of stabbing herself with a dagger, Juliet has a pumpkin carving accident. Romeo, inept in the category of first aid, helplessly stands by with a box of bandaids while a helpful fellow classmate binds up Juliet’s wound (and gets her number). Romance over.
You get the idea. How are couples ever going to make it through Halloween in this day and age? Undoubtedly Shakespeare would be rubbing his hands at all the possibilities for tragedy. Then again, almost any of these unhappy endings would be an improvement on the untimely end of the original Romeo and Juliet. So costume party on – just don’t become the fiancé of the wrong person, or better yet, stay away from courtyards and gardens and you won’t have any problems in the first place.
