Sunny Side Up

Discussion posts – the easiest assignment a student may ever get, and the enemy of all that is good in the world. In this forum, even classmates who I find witty, charming, and delightful turn into underwhelming bores.

A fascinating subject becomes the worst topic of conversation ever chosen when it is subjected to the humiliation of being a discussion post assignment. History, philosophy, art, and beauty have all been slaughtered by well-meaning and sleepy students who ignore spell check.

The posts that look the most interesting usually turn out to be the biggest let-downs. Often, I scroll through dull columns of text looking for a post that I can read long enough to reply to without dying of boredom. I hopefully click on a post that opens with a promising sentence only to be gravely disappointed.

The tantalizing teaser: “I find it fascinating that…” *click open* “the author of this article was a writer.” I can see it now: Sophomore student found in the TC Underground with no pulse. Died reading a discussion post. Cause of death: boredom. Cats are so famous for their nine lives; why don’t students get any credit?

The only truly interesting thing about posts is trying to piece together the bad grammar. It’s common to see a sentence like this: “The point in question so often more real than given credit, I coul not decide why does that event takes place.” Did this person write a discussion post, or a secret code?

Some of my intelligent classmates turn into Neanderthals; meawhile, others are guilty of oversharing in discussion posts. Giving real opinions, putting thought into the words, and writing with a small dose of passion makes other people feel uncomfortable, which is probably why they put the work into doing it.

Then there are discussion post replies. Horror! The standard form is to use up as many sentences as possible saying absolutely nothing. These are also riddled with bad grammar and sarcasm: “Bob, great post! I agree with literally everything you said. Really good thoughts m y opinion. Your a great thinker, your thoughts on this topic I couldn’t agree more. We all know the professor will not read this far. Bob, you’re a total idiot! Go fly a kite. Sincerely, your classmate.”

I’m not even going to mention the people who don’t post until the last minute before the deadline so that nobody even has a chance to reply to them. That battle isn’t worth fighting. We all know that the editor won’t read this far in the article, so my assignment is done. Congratulations on living through discussion posts so far. Go fly a kite!